The Eye of the Storm

How often I was closest to God’s power and glory

when closest to destruction.

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Where was God when I was conceived out of wedlock?

He was secretly knitting me together in my mother’s womb.

Where was God when I was relinquished at four days old and placed in a foster home?

He was working in the heart of my foster mom to love me as her own.

Where was God nine months later when I was taken from the only mother I’d ever known and given to strangers?

He was preparing my barren parents to treasure me all the more. Adoption records note I went into their arms without a care.

Where was God when my new mom was in a car crash that almost killed her?

He was completely healing the broken bones and internal injuries that kept her in the hospital for five weeks and caused me to treasure her all the more.

Where was God when I was overwhelmed with being a parent myself, desperate for affirmation, and ready to divorce my faithful husband for another man who paid me a passing fancy?

He was preparing my heart to receive the gospel that revealed only the love of Christ could satisfy my deepest needs and save me from myself. 

And where was God when my wonderful husband was laid off as an engineer?

He was providing temporary work with a friend as a roofer.

And where was God when we needed more money?

He was leading me to teach night classes at a community college where I first met immigrant students from around the world.

 And where was God when my husband accepted a job offer halfway across the continent?

He was leading me towards a scholarship at the University of Colorado, so I could better serve the immigrant students I’d grown to love.

Where was God when we moved back East to care for elderly parents in failing health?

He was leading me to teach in a failing school that made me feel like a failure.

And where was God when I just couldn’t teach anymore?

He was freeing me from idolizing my profession and turning me into a storyteller who understood that

my core identity and worth had nothing to do with

where I came from,

what I had,

or what I achieved.

My worth and identity are in his love alone, the love that has carried me my whole life and carries me still.

In the midst of a pandemic, close again to destruction, I recall the calmest place in any storm, is its eye, the place where it began. And so I nestle ever closer to my creator, savior, and friend.   

“I have cared for you since you were born.
    Yes, I carried you before you were born.
⁴ I will be your God throughout your lifetime—
    until your hair is white with age.
I made you, and I will care for you.
    I will carry you along and save you.”

Isaiah 46:3-4 NLT

Thanks to Romain Paget for the cover photo on Unsplash