The Week After Mother’s Day, How Are You Doing?

Just being real here. Much is made of motherhood in Christian culture. Greeting card companies make a fortune on this holiday. But what if becoming a mother was far from a Hallmark experience? What if being a mother feels like an overwhelming task whether you’re raising toddlers or letting go of young adults?

For example, I was born out of wedlock, the result of an unwanted pregnancy. What was Mother’s Day to my biological mom all those years my existence had to remain a secret?

What was Mother’s Day to my adoptive mom all those years her infertility was a hopeless disappointment?

Although I was married when blessed with three little ones, how best to mother remains a puzzle, I’m still sorting out. But now I know why Titus 2:3-4 encourages older women to teach younger women how to love their children and their husbands because as a grandmother God has revealed a thing or two.

Let me explain. I became a mother and a believer at almost the same time and was able to stay home with my little ones. Delighted as I was with my darlings, honestly, part of me grieved the affirmation and satisfaction I lost when I let go of my career. Newborns are exhausting, and who can keep a toddler from putting a plastic Tupperware lid in the toaster to see what happens, or whacking off tulip buds with a plastic baseball bat because it’s so much fun! An experienced mom once told me, “Motherhood is unacknowledged work.” Amen sister. The hardest work I’ve ever done at home or elsewhere.

For me, even harder because I saw being a mom as my new job, which made my children my products. Therefore, I was responsible for their performance. If my kid threw a tantrum, or bit another kid on a playdate, that meant I wasn’t doing a good job. If my kid did poorly on a spelling test, I was equally inadequate. As a brand-new believer, I also felt personally responsible for their salvation. Therefore, until they were “saved” their eternal damnation was all my fault. This was mistaken thinking which caused much angst and frustration. Looking back, I had little grace for myself or my children. What a burden to put my identity and self-worth on their tender shoulders.

Then grandchildren landed in my lap like shooting stars ablaze with joy.

Every grandmother I’ve met since, has shared some version of why are grandkids so much easier than your own children?

Here’s how God revealed this to my own heart. With the birth of each grandchild, I felt not only a groundswell of love for them, but a greater awareness of God’s immense love for me.

Because I was no longer directly responsible for my grandkids’ care or behavior, I discovered that love without judgement is love without limit.  And this I realized is the love of Christ, God’s love absent all judgement for sin. All judgement paid on the cross. Nothing left to separate me from God’s overflowing, never ending, delight in me, simply me.

Not me the teacher, not me the writer, not even me the mom, just plain me without any adornment or achievement. I experienced God’s love as if I was naked, just emerged from the womb like my adorable grandchildren. The Christianese expression born again made fresh sense, and being liberated from mom shame, allowed me to love my whole family with a lightness I’d never known before.

So, the week after Mother’s Day, here are truths I learned the hard way to counter any regrets, disappointments, or confusion you may feel.

• Your child has a sin nature just like you do this side of heaven.
• God is not surprised by failure or misbehavior.
• God’s love is not affected by poor performance.
• Motherhood is a relationship, not a job.
• Your child is not your product and doesn’t equate with your worth
• Your child’s salvation is in God’s hands not yours
• Let mistakes bring you to your knees not despair
• God will use your worst and your children’s worst for his best
• Nothing is irredeemable
• Jesus is the end of judgement
• Love without judgement is eternal
• Motherhood is not your core identity. You are the holy, chosen and beloved child of God.

Dear readers, no matter how your journey as a mother began, or how it’s been so far, remember to love yourself first with the flood of love that spills from the heart of a Good God, and watch his grace shower your family for generations to come. This is just the beginning of becoming a grand mother and wife at any age.

Now sin and death no longer define us, but grace does: God’s favor has been given freely to us through His Son, Jesus, who liberates us from sin’s power. 

Romans 6:14 (VOICE)

Cover Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash