Remember playing in the neighborhood as a kid? Where were you in the pecking order? The bully or the bullied? It was complicated wasn’t it?
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Summer 1962. Every house is manned by a mom. Every kid is roaming the neighborhood looking for something to do. I ride my turquoise Schwinn over to my best friend Linda’s which means I’ll have to play with her older sister Laura too. Laura is only a grade ahead of us. She has her dad’s bushy curls cut short while Linda looks like her pretty mom. Most important, Laura has a secret power to somehow make you do stuff you don’t really want to do. It’s like she has a dog whistle and you’re the dog.
Linda and I want to make up commercials in the empty TV console in the basement, but Laura says let’s ride bikes. We ride over to Helen Thompson’s. Helen, Linda and I want to play in her woodsy backyard, but Laura says let’s play badminton. Helen gets the racquets out of the garage. Linda and I want to be on the same team, but Laura says that’s not fair. I have to be on her team, and Linda has to be on Helen’s. We play in the sun till Laura says let’s get a drink. It’s like Mrs. Thompson can hear the dog whistle too. She offers us not only Tang, the astronauts’ favorite, but Pecan Sandies, Laura’s favorite. It’s like the whole earth orbits around Laura.
We go down into the cool basement to play house. Laura takes all the clothespins, the clothesline, and some old blankets to make her house. Linda gets the space under the stairs. Helen, beneath the workbench. I get the corner by the oil tank.
When Helen pulls the red wagon for her car, Laura grabs the handle and says, “Thanks for sharing.”
When Linda takes some canned goods off the shelves for her kitchen, Laura says, “Hey, I already called those for my grocery store.” We all know she didn’t, but no one crosses her. And we all know where we’ll shop.
By the time Mrs. Thompson serves us tuna fish sandwiches and potato chips for lunch, huge thunderheads have formed. Heat lightening rumbles in the distance. My legs stick to the red vinyl seat of the dinette set. It hasn’t started to rain, but we know it’s coming.
After eating, we head upstairs to Helen’s room over the garage. Laura herds us into the huge closet under the eaves. Laura asks Helen to get a deck of cards, and she fetches. Linda and I squish under the sloping ceiling. Helen crouches below the dresses.
Laura sits upright by the door, shuffling the deck. “What shall we play?”
Linda raises her hand like we’re still in school. “Crazy eight?”
Helen cracks a smile. “Gin rummy?”
Laura deals. “How about strip poker?”
I didn’t know how to play, but it’s easy. When you lose a hand, you have to take off a piece of clothing. In shorts, blouses and barefoot, it doesn’t take long before we’re all sitting in our underwear, all except Laura who has only taken bobby pins out of her hair. I’ve never seen Laura use a bobby pin before. But she says they count, so they count.
That’s when the thunder cracks. We all jump and instinctively get dressed. It’s the break that overrides Laura’s secret power. A cloudburst pounds the roof, and we pour out of the stifling closet. A breeze blows through the bedroom. Helen smacks the western window shut and mops up the deluge with a dirty sock. Lightning flashes, and we flow downstairs. I’m sick of Laura. I wish she’d fall off the face of the earth.
I blast out the door and hop on my wet bike. Muddy spray pocks my legs. Who cares? I want to get home where Laura can’t boss me. My kickstand scraps the dry concrete of the garage, and I look back at Laura peddling hard in the opposite direction. Linda eats her wake. Why did we all have to strip when Laura didn’t reveal a freckle? What is she hiding?
As a child, I never guessed Laura could be afraid like me. Afraid without her beautiful sister, no one would want to play with her. Me, afraid if I didn’t put up with Laura, I’d lose her sister as my friend. How ironic, Laura’s fear turned her into someone nobody could like. Mine made me not like myself. Both of us aching for a friend we could trust. How do any of us break free from the horrible gravity of our own solar system?
Now I know, it’s the overwhelming, never ending, perfect love of God that frees both bully and bullied from having to win the approval and affections of others.
“Love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it… shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
1John 4:18 (NLT)
This is an excerpt from my upcoming memoir, Looking for God in all the Wrong Places: Coming of Age and Coming to God During a Cultural revolution
Cover photo by Guillermo Ferla on Unsplash
WOW! I’m fortunate that I never had to play with an older sister of a friend. When we played, it was only with my friends. We only played with brother and sisters if we wanted to. There were times when we would play enjoyable games such as Red Light-Red Light, Hide and Seek, etc. We didn’t have names for the sibblings except for their real names, such as Carol, Carl, Johnny, Beth, Sue, etc. However, we did have the “Freshies!” They were a family of 4 girls who were very fresh. They would tie my sister to a tree and leave her there.We used to call them “The Freshies” for a reason and didn’t go to that end of the street which was the opposite way to the nicer friends.