Right Between the Eyes

PERFECTIONISM AND THE CREATIVE MINDSET REQUIRED TO FINISH A BOOK.

During the Olympics, there’s always lots of talk about sports psychology. The Apostle Paul also talks about what it takes to finish the race. In Philippians 3:13-14 he advocates leaving the past behind and trusting our new ID in Christ, so we can run the race marked out specifically for us until it’s time to go home to heaven and receive our eternal rewards. If I know all this, why am I struggling to finish a book I’m sure the Lord called me to write?

At the suggestion of a new Hope*writer friend, I picked up Steven Pressfield’s book, The War of Art, a book dedicated to the psychology of creativity. The quote below hit me right between the eyes.

“the amateur…overidentifies with his avocation…He defines himself by it…the amateur composer will never write his symphony because he is overly invested in its success and overterrified of its failure. The amateur takes it so seriously it paralyzes him.”

Steven Pressfield from The War of Art

Ouch and hallelujah, the fraternal twins of truth!

It took me ten years to complete and publish my first book, Teacher Dropout, Finding Grace in an Unjust School a creative non-fiction based on teaching in an urban middle school. It took a decade not only because I needed that long to sort out the spiritual issues of the most difficult teaching assignment of my career, but because it took that long to let go of my written work.

Why? Because Pressfield is correct. Because I overidentified with my work, I wanted my book to be perfect. Ironically, the theme of the book was escaping what I call professional co-dependence, relying on my professional identity for self-worth above my root identity in Christ. Even believing this concept, my fear of failure impeded my first book’s release. I guess I’m learning the same lesson over again, not as a teacher, but as a writer.

Now I see, according to Pressfield, it’s impeding the release of my second book. For ten years, I’ve been dabbling with my blog, and writing a personal memoir about coming of age and coming to God when female role models did a head-spinning 180 from June Cleaver, Leave- it-to-Beaver TV mom, to Grace Slick, sexy, psychedelic lead singer for the Jefferson Airplane who invited the Woodstock generation down the rabbit hole. Yes, it’s taken a long time as Marion Roach Smith says to sort out what I learned from what I’ve been through, but it’s more than that.

The deepest human need is to be loved and accepted. We all want to belong, to be affirmed for our gifts and talents, to find our role in the community. If I already believe the grace of God offers unconditional membership in the family of Christ, why am I still frozen with fear of failure and rejection?

After reading The War of Art I understand that as long as my imperfect book defines me, I’ll never finish it. I’ll be afraid to launch it into a world where it/I can be lampooned.

Pressfield’s advice in a nutshell is to keep what he calls resistance at bay, that internal, insidious voice that whispers relentlessly we are disqualified, lazy, and untalented. Or that our story is too revealing, too personal, and nobody wants to read that stuff, anyway, so why don’t we just give up and do something more important! Do anything else ! Watch TV or sort socks! Anything to keep us away from the creative work God has called us to do.

And how do we resist? By being what Pressfield calls professionals, not amateurs. Stand up to the bully he names Resistance and simply do the work. A professional doesn’t have the option of not going to work. We must show up day after day and as Jane Yolen says, keep butt in chair. Day after day, trusting God to be with us leading the way, calling to mind the script we were born to write. Yes, born to write!

Although Pressfield’s psychology isn’t based strictly on Christian dogma, in many ways it rings true with God’s word.

“Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest.”

Ecclesiastes 11:4 (NLT)

Yes, craft matters.  Yes, we always want to do our best. But in a fallen world, even our best will never be ideal. What we need to keep right between our eyes is not our own perfection, but the power of God made perfect in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

So, sisters, whatever your creative bent, believe it is from God, cast it to the winds, and trust Him, to carry it to the hearts He intends. This is my advice to myself and my prayer for anyone who needs to complete their work for the Lord above.

Check out Pressfield’s book and maybe mine (BTW I did a Podcast about it on Beth’s Bookcasts) and see what catches you right between the eyes.

Photo cover by David Griffiths on Unsplash