Paper or Plastic

I spoke recently with a younger friend who said, “Do you remember what perimenopause was like?”

My answer, “Oh, yeah! Let me tell you a story.”

Back in the 90’s I was next in line at the grocery store checkout. It was after work. I was tired and impatient.

The cashier asked the customer in front of me if she’d prefer paper or plastic.

The woman answered, “Plastic,” and it was as if she’d pulled the pin on a grenade.

My mind exploded. How dare she choose plastic! Hasn’t she seen all the plastic bags tangled in treetops? Hasn’t she seen them floating down rivers? Going out to sea! Fouling beaches! Killing baby turtles! Suffocating whales!!!! Doesn’t she know the whole earth will be covered in ugly, non-biodegradable plastic if she doesn’t stop? PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!

Not a word of this came out my mouth. I paid for my items, walked to my car, and sat in the driver’s seat stunned by the ferocity of my response. Oh my gosh, I was ready to kill that woman for simply putting her bananas in a plastic bag.

“That,” I explained to my friend, “is not your brain on drugs, that is your brain on hormones.”

That incident happened before anyone knew massive swirls of plastic garbage were accumulating in ocean gyres. That was long before environmental activist, Greta Thunberg, was old enough to protest.

My point is, I was proved right about paper or plastic, but being right wasn’t the issue. The issue was my reaction was so far out of proportion to the poor woman’s choice.

Perimenopause doesn’t make your reaction to any offense wrong. It just flings it into outer space. And even knowing that, in the moment, doesn’t help you control it. It just makes you aware of your hormonal craziness.

During that period of my life, excuse the pun, my husband affectionately named the week before I menstruated Kill Week.

After I got my period, the sky was miraculously blue. The clouds a glorious white. It was a “bright blessed day and a dark sacred night,” and I realized my heart was singing along to Louis Armstrong’s “It’s a Wonderful World.”

What a difference a few chemicals can make in a woman’s body and mind. Therefore, to protect both the innocent and the guilty, I adopted some personal rules for Kill Week.

As a teacher,

• Don’t call any parents about their child!
• Don’t tell any administrators what they’re doing wrong!
• Don’t share your opinion at faculty meetings!

As a parent,

• Remember, my children are immature, so have mercy.
• Remember, I can love my children and not their irritating behavior.
• Remember, relationship is always more powerful than punishment.

As a person,

• Don’t condemn myself as the worst mother in the world.
• Or the worst wife ever.
• Or the ugliest, most worthless person that ever lived.
• And resist the urge to tell anyone else what I think is wrong with them.
• Above all, don’t make any important decisions

Considering my conversation about perimenopause with my friend, I realize the rules I made for myself were a precursor to seeing myself and others through the lens of God’s grace. Perimenopause makes you extra sensitive and inflames your emotions. So does living in a world that deserves judgment.

But judgement always ends in murder, literal or heartfelt. Think of Paul as a Pharisee dragging Christians before the court for what he judged blasphemy. I would have dragged the woman ahead of me in the checkout line to customer service if I thought there was a jury behind the counter.

• Yes, people can be jerks. But it’s not our job to rip their heads off.
• Yes, people make poor decisions, but we’ve made poor decisions too.
• Yes, people can be ignorant, but we are not always the smartest person in the room.
• Yes, people can be harmful, damaging, and evil abounds
• But the apostle Paul’s revelation was that we all deserve judgment, yet through Jesus, God’s grace abounds.

Another friend recently sent me this meme summarizing Paul’s message of grace.

So, keep the faith friends, whether perimenopause or some other monumental crisis or craziness triggers judgment. And when the cashier wants you to pick paper or plastic, remember there’s always another choice – grace.

“Be gentle and ready to forgive;
never hold grudges.
Remember, the Lord forgave you,
so you must forgive others.

Colossians 3:13 (TLB)

Thanks for the cover photo by Naja Bertolt Jensen on Unsplash

Copyright Ann C. Averill 2023